Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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