I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
