This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
