Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
