direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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