My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
