GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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