Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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