We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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