They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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