Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
