i think my mom watched the whole time
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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