I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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