I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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