I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
