honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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