I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hippo gnu deer
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
