I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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