I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
