is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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