Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
