i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
