I'm laying in your front yard are you home
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
