Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
