But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
