we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
