dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
