I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
