he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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