He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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