remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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