Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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