this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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