I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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