If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You ruined the universe
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
