I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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