Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize