I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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