thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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