That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize