I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
