I just saw a hot homeless man
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How naked do you want me to be?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize