Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
