don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
