From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
