maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
