i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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