fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Non-Jews are for practice
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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