the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
