Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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