very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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