I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
then he tried to convert me to islam
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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