i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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