sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize