I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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