It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
