Jerry, you need to find god
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
