You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
pray to the hookup gods
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize