corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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