What did we do last night that was yellow?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
