Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
