I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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