He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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