I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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