I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
