Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
