respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
